It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
