Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
