Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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