Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
