i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
