Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
