Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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