well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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