You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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