We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
