he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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