The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
