thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
