i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
