Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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