Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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