Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
