i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
