2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
