Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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