I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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