No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
