I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
