This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
