How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am one with the molecules
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything