I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
smell my finger.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
