My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".