I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
