awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.