Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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