it's not cheating when I paid for it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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