So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
