my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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