There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
