dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
