I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
