Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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