Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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