on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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