last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
