Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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