STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
