You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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