I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
