Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
