Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
