I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
