Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
