my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
