Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
