Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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