At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
