i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
