I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
