I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
