...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
