Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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