You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
