chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
