Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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