So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
