You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
