In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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