I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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