Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
