I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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