By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
