your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
