Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
