I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
